What We Need
by moonlightfan78
Summary: **Spoilers if you have not read City of Glass** Set in City of Glass after Max's death. Jace comes to Clary for comfort and she can't resist giving it to him. I own nothing (although wouldn't that we cool).


What We Need

"I just want to lie down with you and wake up with you, just once, just once ever in my life." The desperation in his voice moved her and she couldn't help going to him. He clasped her in his arms and Clary felt her heart twist. His words from moments ago, echoed though her head like the softest whisper and she knew sadness mixing with her joy.

"_There is no pretending" he said softly " I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then." _He'd said the words so clearly, proudly and it was as if he'd taken them right out of her heart. She ached to tell him she felt the same but knew it would only rip at the already open gaping wounds inside them, so she did the only thing she could do she gave him what she could, even though she wanted it to be so much more.

"Close the curtain, then, before you come to bed."She said quietly "I can't sleep with this much light in the room". She watched his surprise and smiled beckoning him to the bed. She watched him take his jacket, shoes and belt off and felt as if they had been doing it for years. She wished they had years, but tomorrow there may be no world left for them and this was the last moment they might have and she didn't want to waste it.

Jace slid into bed and lay tense beside her. He lay on top of the covers breathing deeply. Clary knew he was trying to breathe normally but he was failing miserably. Clary smiled and reached out her fingers linking them with his and he stiffened. She pulled and he came, as effortlessly as breathing, as easily as if he'd been waiting for it, and she supposed he had because what he wanted she wanted to. It had been that way with them from the moment she'd met his eyes in Pandemonium, even if it had taken them enough time to admit it. She smiled again as he slid up the bed, his movements as smooth as a jungle cats as he crawled toward her. She shivered as he leaned over her enclosing her with his arms. His heat enveloped her and she closed her eyes savoring it. She knew it was wrong, knew she shouldn't feel like this but she simply couldn't help it. He lowered himself down until their bodies were inches apart and she felt the tears sting her eyes as she grabbed him and pulled him against her.

She wanted so much to have every night with him forever but knew that future was closed to them. She felt tears pricking her eyes as they sank into each other's embrace and felt them spill over and run down her cheeks. Jace felt them to and pulled back looking back at her in the muted light. "Clary, please don't cry, If this is too hard I can leave."

He started to pull away and Clary gripped his soft grey shirt in a death grip. "Don't you dare," she almost growled "At least let me, let us have this." With a small sigh he sank back down and put his forehead against hers and breathed her in. He rubbed his nose against hers and lightly nibbled her lips. Clary gasped and enjoyed each moment.

"How can I say no, when it's what I want too, No" he corrected himself breathlessly as he kissed her deeper, "what I need." His lips claimed hers and Clary felt herself go up in flames. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly. Her Hands raked his back and she smiled as he groaned low in his throat. She ran her hands up and through his shinning hair pulling him closer.

His hands crept under her sleep top and skimmed over her bare skin. She arched into his touch and felt herself forget everything but Jace. He raised the hem and kissed his way up her stomach. He filled her senses and the world fell away. At that moment she would have given him all that she was, everything, no matter what her heart was so full of love for him.

Jace knew it was wrong but nothing in his life had felt so right. He had come here for comfort, had needed it so badly he'd felt like he was suffocating but he knew they had to stop this madness no matter how it killed him to admit it.

He pulled back and slid away from her on the bed, needing to put as much distance as possible between them. He raked his hands through his hair and tried to breathe but he was crying, he felt like such a wimp but he felt like his heart was tearing into thousands of tiny pieces. He wanted to lash out but knew that the beautiful angel lying before him was not to blame.

Clary sat up and pulled his hands away making him meet her eyes. She knew that this constant need between them was killing them both, she always thought that they could control this need, she was always wrong. Whenever they were together she was constantly aware of him, her body humming, waiting, and she knew he felt the same no matter what. There was an almost visible cord tying them together, one that they neighther wanted or could break without killing one or both of them. She looked at him and saw the grief etched into his beautiful face. Greif for Max, grief for the loss of the life they both wanted together and she knew she had to get away from him, to give him a little piece, to give herself a chance to deal with her own grief.

She stroked his cheek and then rose from the bed hurrying for the door as more tears flooded her face. She didn't want him to see her cry, she knew it killed him to see it. Breathing was a torture as she padded across the floor, she felt like she was trudging through sludge. Each step away from him she felt the cord tightening, drawing her back.

She almost made it to the door when he was suddenly there, arms around her holding her so close it was almost like they were one person. "Clary please don't go." He sobbed against her neck "I shouldn't have done that, please don't leave me, I need you." 

Clary turned in his arms knowing that even if this fire between them was always almost out of control that she loved him. His grief was stark and harsh across his features and she knew she could never turn him away, could never live without him. Whatever she had to give, whatever she could give and still live with herself was his.

"I wanted it too" she said softly knowing at least half the blame was hers. "No matter what happens I'll never leave you," she murmured to him as she pulled his face to hers "I'll be here as long as you need me." She wanted to say _As long as you want me_, but knew that wouldn't help.

Jace smiled sadly and picked her up in his arms. He brought her close to his chest and she wrapped her arms around him as if they'd been doing it for years. He carried her back to bed and layed her down gently. He pulled her to him, her back to his front and wrapped his body around her. Clary tried to turn, to hold him but he seemed to need her like this, seemed to need to wrap himself around her. "Clary" he said softly in her ear "that's the problem, I'll always need you."

Clary didn't know what to say so she put her hands on his arms around her and held him.


End file.
